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I have been killing myself with thoughts and depths of thoughts that steals my sleep from me. Me and my husband has been married for a year now and we haven’t had children yet. We can’t conclude whether it is a problem of inability to bear a child or produce healthy sperms and this mishappening occured.

I had a crush back at school but he was one year ahead of me and we met again at an old school reunion. We exchanged numbers and we started talking and chatting. He even helped me secure my current job. He started telling me problems he was facing in his marriage and I felt I could do better for him if I was his wife. Sometimes I felt it wasn’t right, other times I told myself it won’t get there.

I also started telling him the problems in my marriage. I told him even though my marriage was young but I still thought we might be having a problem with giving birth. In fact, he became my friend and we talked almost about anything. He came to visit me one afternoon when my husband wasn’t home. Conversations became shorter and distance become shorter as well. he kissed me . I kissed back and we did it.

I got pregnant but I wasn’t so sure who it belonged to because that day when my husband returned later in the night we had an intercourse. I was so sorry and I am still in pain towards what happened that day. Now I want to abort the baby but what If it’s my husband’s. Please help me out!

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By Ian Dei

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